My Inner Child Is On The Lam!

This morning our experience at the Municipal Parking Authority can truly only be described as a TRIUMPH.
This is largely because Belle and I were braced for hours in line of waiting.  It  turned out to be 10 minutes, with a brief intermission since because of zoning subtleties we had to regroup and return with Susan and another document to get a different kind of permit.
We were, however, given a FRONT OF THE LINE voucher and on our return, completed our mission and exited with our desired permit after about 5 minutes.
By the way, that’s Belle under the clerk’s window, working her unbelievable magic, and that hint of purple scarf is indeed Susan’s cameo DMV appearance.
The only irony was that TRAGICALLY we had scraped together every quarter in our possession to stock up the $3.00 per hour parking meter, which we overpaid by about an hour.  Nonetheless, I do NOT think it’s Parking 1/Vilga 0 AT ALL.  In fact, given the themes in the last few blogs, I now consider myself a PLATINUM PARKER.]
A trip to Whole Foods on the way home, then lunch, and lots of time to prepare my Lotus class –– the last for this week, with only one the following week as well.
While rolling around on the floor of the cottage,  inspired by Susan’s work with such concepts, I took to reading about my Inner Child while in endless hip openers.
In fact, this topic has been on my mind all weekend.
I actually got completely lost on Saturday and Sunday for hours on my computer looking for one archived photo of myself –– I am reasonably confident it’s in my storage space in LA on a disk –– that I cannot find on my computer.
I can find all the endless yoga press photos (of course).  There’s the fun photo of myself winning the junior high poetry contest.  I even have some wonderful college photos scanned as well.  And I do have many obligatory cute baby photos, like this one from my first Christmas:
I can find photos of past relationships and past productions.
Candid shots from birthdays and posed publicity shots for promotions.
But the only photo I cannot find –– which I am now OBSESSED with –– is a sad, wounded photo of myself in about the third grade.
I know that I have written (pre-blog) journal entries in the past and included it, and that I have used it in various collages.
I tried searching for every possible name I might have called it, from “wounded me” to “___ grade me” and still it doesn’t seem to be on the computer.
The best possible photo of my Inner Wounded Child has, more or less, vanished.
And of course this makes perfect sense because this is the Quote/UnQuote “disowned” me, the part that most needs the attention but that’s always been neglected.  So neglected, apparently, now it’s invisible, and potentially lost.  (Again, back-up disks in LA, I believe…)
Of course, as a quintessential “light-chaser” I have all the photos from my life where I am happy and thriving, from toddler-hood to last month.
And I have every photo quintuple-ly archived where I LOOK GOOD.
It’s beyond obvious why I don’t have at my fingertips of the more vulnerable, frightened, awkward images of myself at a young age.
Fortunately, I do remember the photo quite vividly, so I can do all the Inner Child work I want with it clearly in mind.
[One of the things that I loved about my quick diving deep into Inner Child work is that all the Big Guns say that it’s incredibly FAST & EFFECTIVE, and that’s my gut instinct, too.]
Everything about this work was reinforced by our delightful Sunday 3 hours on the beach with Jonah, who’s about the age I was in the missing photo.
Somehow one’s own history becomes generally accepted –– “a given” –– but when you imagine re-casting someone else in the part you realize how wild and shocking and dramatic certain things really were and it’s truly mind-blowing.  [On a parallel note, I loved one of the channels I was listening to this weekend saying that if you wouldn’t make a remark to a small child, you really shouldn’t make it to or about yourself either;  can you imagine if our self-talk was a fraction that mindful?]
I am VERY eager to dive into the applicable visualization/spiritual practice exercises I found in one of the books in the cottage tomorrow –– I have endless writing and promotional possibilities but no scheduling demands until like … 2014-ish –– and I’m curious what will happen.
Will I stumble upon the photo accidentally?
Will my Inner Child have some surprises for me (like a second family in Peoria)?
I wonder …
But I do have a deep knowing that the idea of addressing this neglected/abandoned and now frankly vanished part of myself is going to be quite AMAZING and a GAME-CHANGER.
Stay tuned.

One Response

  1. It will be very interesting when you do have a reunion with the missing photo. Will it match your memory??
    I’ve been diving around in my past via documents lately, too — big bonfires, burning old journals and love letters and so forth. Quite liberating, AND I’ve found a few gems along the way, the treasures worth keeping — and isn’t that what this work is all about!
    LOVE sharing the journey. I invite you! ♥ ♥ Katherine.

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