It was a moment that really changed things for me.
(Maybe it will do the same thing for you, too.)
It was several years ago, and I was asking my wise and wonderful friend (the mega-selling author & artist) SARK for advice.
In brief, someone was behaving badly.
Specifically, someone who often behaved badly.
SARK quoted some sage advice once given to her.
It came in the form of a question:
“When are you going to stop
trying to buy butter
at the hardware store?”
Like a Rumi or Hafiz poem, it was a hilarious and stunning retort.
It’s pretty obvious that they don’t sell butter at the hardware store.
No matter how many times we ask them for it, it’s never going to be available.
For someone like me (and maybe you, too), even this obvious fact is not necessarily a deal-breaker.
I keep coming back to the same hardware store, desperately hoping to buy butter, only to have my hopes dashed again and again.
It’s taken me a really long time to learn this lesson.
I’ve gotten embarrassingly angry at times….
And I’ve even tried to bargain with the hardware store.
For example, I’ve told them that if they installed a small refrigerator, they could count on me as a steady butter-buying customer.
In fact, regarding the lack of butter at the hardware store, I’ve ultimately gone through what the brilliant psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross defined as the five stages of grief:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Please Note: although these stages are NOT linear, and we zigzag between them, I’d still like my shot glass filled up to the Denial Level.
I was reminded of this when I shared this metaphor with a new creative client this week.
What’s so powerful about this perspective shift is that rather than complaining about the hardware store (so easy), it forces us to take a deep look at ourselves (not so easy).
After all, the logic is undeniable:
• Hardware stores don’t sell butter.
• Thus, you need to take responsibility for why you keep trying to shop for it there.
Shifting that framework is enormously powerful (and might just help you cross the street to the Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods to get the Kerrygold needed to butter your bagel).
Beyond this, here’s what’s resonating for me most about this now:
The Paradox of Acceptance
There are over 10,000 comments in the discussion group from the 38,000 people in my RICH WITH PURPOSE online course.
I’ve tried to respond to as many as I can.
By far the most common question is some version of…
“If I accept where I am,
won’t that keep me stuck?”
Instead, the opposite is true.
It’s only by accepting where you are that you can move forward.
Contrary to our “common sense,” fighting reality is like swimming in quicksand.
The more you rant and rebel and protest, the deeper you sink into the mire.
Paradoxically, radical acceptance is the first step toward change.
In the same way, having taught yoga for 20+ years, the most common objection I hear is:
I’m not flexible enough to do yoga.
The reality is, of course, that the less flexible you are, the more you NEED to do yoga.
Or, as the great poet Robert Frost once wrote:
“The best way out is through.”
That’s why this month’s meditation (always FREE) is about Acceptance HERE.
Remember (surprisingly):
Acceptance is the Springboard for Transformation.
Ultimately, it’s only through acceptance that we can realize there are lots of places to buy butter…
And let go of trying to buy it at the hardware store.
Namaste for Now…
