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For better or worse, accountability is not “one size fits all.”
There are countless ways to foster accountability—that crucial ability to take responsibility for one’s life—and perhaps even more ways to avoid it.
Recently, I’ve been struck by how creatively people (myself included) can avoid things, though sometimes one’s avoidance can be quite direct.
For example, I’m a huge fan of a spiritual colleague’s online resources but their daily newsletter is a disaster.
After much frustration at how the value of their content was being undermined by some easily correctible marketing flaws, I finally sent a sincere fan letter.
I expressed my admiration for their work and, referencing my expertise in the online course arena, politely asked if they’d be open to a few suggestions.
Ignoring everything positive I’d volunteered, they swiftly replied with a hard “No” towards any feedback.
The conversation was shut down before it even started.
Of course, unsolicited feedback can be ill-timed, annoying, and even destructive.
(That’s why I always ask first).
Yet, I often wonder about the underlying reasons why someone is unwilling to even entertain any form of creative exploration.
Is the reality they’ve constructed really so fragile it cannot withstand close inspection of any kind?
One of the clearest examples of this is seen in clients, friends, and colleagues writing memoirs, particularly in how it impacts those around them.
Even those in their lives with nothing to hide suddenly panic at the mere possibility of exposure.
One of the most insightful statements on the topic––one I’ve often shared in workshops I’ve taught as well when as working one-on-one with clients––is Anne Lamott’s unforgettable quote:
“You own everything thathappened to you.
Tell your stories.
If people wanted you to write warmly about them,
they should have behaved better.”
While she is undoubtedly correct, she is also being deliberately and playfully provocative.
Indeed, I’ve written this newsletter faithfully for several years without publicly indicting anyone.
Even so, I was shocked that a few years ago someone misconstrued a totally innocuous text to somehow think they would soon be featured in an unflattering light.
It’s true there were some issues where their accountability was less than stellar, but detailing such banal irresponsibility would have been not only out of character for me, worse it would have made for some pretty dull content.
While Martha Graham said, “The only sin is mediocrity,” when it comes to writing, I would substitute “boring” for what must be avoided at all costs.
Over the years, I’ve often mentioned that nowadays, whenever someone asks me to sign an NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement), I almost always agree while sighing deeply.
After an unremarkable meeting years ago with a content creator who asked us to sign an NDA before discussing her project, my producer friend and I both agreed that such requests are usually a bad sign.
In a sweet way, such creators are too attached to their content, afraid that it’s going to be ripped off in a world of ruthless pirates.
The greater danger they actually face is that their project will never be funded or seen by any audience.
Obscurity, not piracy, is their true enemy.
I found this passage, recommended by a very wise friend, to be enormously helpful this week.
I’ve been grappling with significant sadness over people’s lack of accountability and their failure to show up in meaningful ways.
Towards the end of Toni Morrison’s masterpiece The Bluest Eye, she writes about the devastating limits of others when it comes to our own vulnerable hearts.
“Love is never any better than the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly, but the love of a free man is never safe. There is no gift for the beloved. The lover alone possesses his gift of love. The loved one is shorn, neutralized, frozen in the glare of the lover’s inward eye.”
I’m learning that accepting these limits is both incredibly painful and immensely freeing.
There is still one slot available in my new and affordable Accountability program, where I work one-on-one with you for 12 weeks.
So many powerful transformations are occurring already.
And…drumroll…just as accountability is not a “one-size-fits-all” concept, I’ve realized that some people are seeking a more intensive experience.
Therefore, I’ve created a new offering for that HERE.
Initially, I hesitated to call this a V.I.P. day, as it evokes images of velvet ropes, red carpets, and swag bags.
Then I realized I could use the V.I.P. acronym to represent Vlad-In-Person (although these sessions could be done over Zoom), and I fell in love with the term.
Info and application are HERE.
Although it originates from ancient Greek lore, Marvel’s Stan Lee popularized the phrase inSpider-Man:
”With great power comes great responsibility.”
Intuitively, we all understand that our advancement is directly tied to our accountability.
What’s becoming increasingly clear to me, though, is that this is a symbiotic relationship, where each side of the equation enriches the other.
In other words, without accountability we can’t achieve anything truly significant, and it’s up to us to find a way to make this relationship work.
I’ve offered two ways, HERE and now HERE, but what’s essential is that you find your own system.
As publisher Michael Korda aptly observed:
”In the final analysis, the one quality
that all successful people have
is the ability to take on responsibility.”
And as the angel card says: “Staying accountable for your actions strengthens your freedom to choose and builds self-respect.”
By honoring this principle, we may find that we don’t need others to sign as many Non-Disclosure Agreements or worry about how we might appear in (theoretical) memoirs.
Instead, we can simply live our lives authentically, thriving through being fully accountable to our truest selves.
Namaste for Now,
