My new dentist did seem very confused by my reaction.
He’d just told me there was a problem with an old cap on a back molar and thus I would probably need a root canal.
Exuding sympathy, he offered the news with “I know this sucks but…”
Only to hear me respond:
“Actually, it’s the best thing
that’s happened to me
in quite a while.”
I wasn’t being ironic or facetious.
I actually meant it.
Last year I shared how much I appreciated James Clear’s book Atomic Habits.
It’s been enormously helpful not only in achieving some major improvements in my life, it’s also clarified and refined how I approach so much of my work process.
And yet…
One of my experiments with his philosophy––structuring a reward after completing some significant work––simply failed.
I earnestly tried to get a chunk of “deep work” writing done first thing every morning, promising myself that only after its completion could I do the 3 crossword puzzles in the New York Times I compulsively do each day.
For the few days I tried this, I was miserable.
I felt like I was punishing myself, or at best, managing myself like the proverbial donkey led by a dangling carrot.
It turns out that I’m 1,000 times more efficient if, rather than motivating myself with a future reward, I give myself some early wins first thing in the morning.
Said another way, as the sage pastry chef Jacques Torres famously espoused:
Life is Short. Eat Dessert First.
Of course, this maxim is NOT universal.
(In general, I’m much more effective if I wait until nightfall before uncorking bottles of wine.)
Yet I realize that now, more than simply a reward, it’s the FRESH WIN that’s become necessary for me to get started.
In a season (a year even) of seemingly insoluble problems on all levels––from the personal to the cultural to the political––I need a morning moment where there are right answers…an atmosphere where challenges are well-defined and manageable… a universe where ultimately everything makes sense.
In short, that’s also exactly why I was so satisfied by my dental experience.
I’d woken that morning with the tiniest bit of discomfort.
(1, or at most a 2, on a 1-10 pain scale.)
I learned last month that my old dentist no longer took my insurance, so I needed to find a new one.
My provider’s website was not only byzantine, it was also completely out-of-date.
I called a half-dozen offices that my online search produced, only to find none of them were currently under my plan.
Finally, after a 25-minute hold, I found an operator who had a superior stash of information which she willingly shared.
When I found a dentist who had universally high ratings, who could also actually see me that night at 7:30 pm, honestly it felt like a small miracle.
Beyond that, when he and the dental hygienist confirmed that (for once in my life) this problem was NOT my fault––my current oral hygiene was confirmed as excellent––there was an enormous sense of not only vindication but outright pride:
Within the course of a day, a problem arose, and (despite the obstacles), I solved it.
The simplicity of that experience was somehow enormously satisfying.
Suddenly, my sense of competency and effectiveness was renewed.
There are a few other life problems I’ve been attempting to solve with far less satisfaction.
One I have to be discrete about but let’s just say my Herculean, even life-saving efforts have been extremely effective but nonetheless totally unappreciated, much less thanked.
(…sigh…)
Another, of course, was the gradual decline of Belle which ultimately could have only one resolution.
(There is some satisfaction in knowing that not just the ending, but that her entire life experience was the best I could make it. And yet even though there’s beauty in the sorrow, her passing definitely does not feel like a win but an enormous, endless loss.)
And finally, right now, so many projects feel both immensely exciting and promising, but also that I’m playing hide and seek in the labyrinth of 2020/1…the rich rewards just out of reach until Mercury’s out of retrograde (or whatever).
It seems a reasonable guess that many of you probably feel the same right now.
That’s why I’m encouraging us to redefine and then Celebrate the Small Wins…
To eat the dessert first when you want to…
To do the crossword puzzle before you tackle your deadline-driven assignments and…
To reinterpret the root canal not as a misfortune, but as a problem you successfully solved.
Sometimes, just showing up is a victory.
Namaste for Now…
