The Agony & The Ecstasy

Perhaps post-Bashar high –– and according to him my brain was being re-wired during our time together –– Sunday morning fell into a deep morass of misery.  Now apparently according to our L.O.A. friends, I shouldn’t re-create it here, but … let’s just say that all the circumstances and challenges of self-publishing one book, waiting for my Hollywood option, moving to a new city, and basically being a human somehow seemed insurmountable.
Plus, I am very attracted to and yet confused (which is normal) by my new Human Design information.  Usually, you have some kind of reading for something and it gives you a little clarity, a new perspective, a little “yes, that’s true about me” and you’ve got one more framework to serve you.
Human Design is interesting because it’s speaking to several fundamental premises and calling for A LOT of re-examination about how I approaching things.
Had a lovely reading with Dee Dee Knoche (inspired via a Face Place read of this blog) and it both helped and confused me more (mostly because there was lots of new information about the I Ching hexagram aspect of my chart like my “gates.”)
As PROJECTOR type — a minority one — my best strategy is to wait for the invitation, which is kind of maddening.  There’s even a fun video by a Projector teacher of this stuff where he talks about how fellow Projectors are just not meant to fit in with the rest of the world (plus I have the “Genius/Freak” Gate and an “Extreme Emoting” one — are you getting why this is a little much to process on a Sunday morning?)
Anyway, by far my favorite thing Dee Dee said which was incredibly helpful (based on another gate situation in my chart) was that I should find “the beauty in waiting.”  I LOVE that and have been reflecting on it extensively since.  “Beauty in the Waiting…”
It also explains why for YEARS I have been obsessed with one Law & Order moment.  In an episode which is a take-off of the Claus Von Bulow story, the socialite wife who murders her diabetic husband gets the best lawyer in NYC.  He spends the entire trial distracted, barely objecting, hardly present.  However, the instant the verdict is handed in, he motions for an appeal.  The judge says he’ll be happy to read the appeal when it’s written, and the lawyer hands him a 70 page document he’s been working on during the trial rather than bothering to defend.  IE, his eye was continually on the real battle rather than the skirmish in front of him.  Anyway, I just loved that he spent all that time WRITING the relevant material rather than engaging in the irrelevant courtroom drama.  [And of course his socialite client gets off and immediately buys a chateau in France.]
Anyway, this reading took place in my car between a yoga class and Ecstatic Dance in Oakland.  For those of you who don’t know, this is a very non-druggy but druggy seeming, ultra-hippy trance dance situation for 3 hours on Sunday mornings.  It’s kind of “anything goes” — like a Woodstock that springs up just before brunch — and it’s awesome.
Dan absolutely loves it and it’s a delight to see him moving around on the floor.
It was out of it and then into it, and I do think the movement helped my mood considerably (I think movement always helps).
What was elevating beyond words though was our Gracias Madres brunch with Susan and Clark where Dan was genius in our Millionaire Matchmaker role play scenarios.   Amazing and hilarious and inspired.
This was followed by a game of Transformation interrupted by my driving Dan to the airport and then resumed and completed with Susan.
A final margarita with Belle on our nightly walk where I saw a new puppy Kearny photo.
In the end, all of it helped from me from Agony to Ecstasy but nothing — from Transformation, to Ecstatic Dance, to Human Design, to a margarita — was as effective as Dan’s Millionaire Matchmaker performance as Richard Branson.  (Except maybe Susan’s awesomeness).