FB Live Replay is HERE.
Oprah got the pronouns right.
With their message of positivity and self-acceptance,
red-lipsticked Jeffrey Marsh is a master of video.
––O Magazine––
And I got them wrong.
This Wednesday, as we were waiting in the electronic green room on standby, eager for our Facebook Live session to start, there was a technical issue.
I could see that Jeffrey Marsh––author of HOW TO BE YOU, and an internet sensation with over 400 million views––had arrived but was not only not camera, but also unable to hear me.
At that moment, the Technology Gods were not smiling on us.
The problem, however, pretty much fixed itself, but unfortunately just as I was saying the exact wrong things:
Worried that our event was derailed, rather than using “Jeffrey” or “they,” I slipped into traditional gender pronouns––just as Jeffrey got connected.
“He can’t hear us” and “I can’t seem to unmute him.”
It was the perfectly wrong moment for that mistake to happen.
(And ultimately also the perfectly right one).
Anyway, Jeffrey handled it beautifully––and I even brought it up mid-interview HERE.
It was as they say, a “teachable moment,” something I’m usually on the other side of when sharing wellness and abundance work.
Fortunately I learned something, less about the correctness and importance of gender pronouns (which I knew) but an all important reminder about one of the keys to forgiveness.
Namely, as Jeffrey says in their book How to Be You:
“There is nothing more important in forgiveness than an admission that everyone is doing their best.”
This is one of my favorite family photos.
It’s of my 1st godchild––who’s now 6’5” and getting married in August––being led on an Easter egg hunt by his 6’ 8” father.
It represents for me a perfect childhood moment, one fitting for next week’s Father’s Day.
I am, however, also working on a new project with many autobiographical elements which are…let’s just say in sharp contrast to this picture.
What’s anchoring me and allowing me to reset as I dive deep into the writing is what Jeffrey expressed above and Brené Brown summarized so succinctly in Rising Strong:
“We’re all doing the best we can.”
I have a lot more to say on the topic of forgiveness.
(please stay tuned)
For now, however, I wanted to share how I relate to the struggle Brené recounts with initially accepting the premise that everyone’s doing their best.
In fact, most of the time I don’t believe it.
As “proof” of the opposite theory, like many people, I tend to flip back to harshly judging myself, believing I could (and should) have done better.
What I’ve found though is that practicing the belief that people are really doing their best has profoundly empowering effects.
It made our FB Live interview with Jeffrey more honest and vulnerable.
It less about hard science than making the most generous assumption you can about other people in difficult situations.
And, in a complicated world where even pronouns get accidentally scrambled, operating from that premise not only makes things run more smoothly, it opens the door for transformation.
Namaste for Now,
P.S. For nearly a decade I taught tons of private yoga lessons to wonderful (but inflexible) guys who couldn’t touch their toes.
If you know one of them––particularly if he’s a father––please consider the new 8 week course I’ve designed with them in mind HERE.
- It’s entirely online.
- There’s no incense or chanting.
- It’s less than 12 minutes a day.
- It just might change their lives…
Note: The course is open to everyone (of course) but since Father’s Day is next week, I thought it might have a particular appeal for the dads in your life. HERE.
