It’s often incorrectly attributed to Dorothy Parker, but the sentiment has been expressed by everyone from Oscar Madison in an episode of The Odd Couple to George R.R. Martin creator of Game of Thrones:
“I hate writing, but I love having written.”
This week, in fact, rather than crossing the finish line with a seemingly endless proposal, it suddenly became ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for me to completely reorganize every piece of clothing I own.
For varying reasons, I recently told three different clients and partners this story.
The first time things took a creative Dark Turn for me was in kindergarten.
I returned home sobbing with my end of the year report card.
I dimly recall that it was based on checks rather than grades and that I’d received a ✓– in Reading.
There was a reason given in the column next to this damning mark:
I was, apparently …“Overconfident.”
Obviously, there’s something highly questionable about trying to dial down the confidence of a 5-year-old…
Beyond that, I still can’t imagine what that ✓– Overconfident behavior looked liked.
Was I rolling my eyes during Story Time or questioning the rhyme scheme of Dr. Seuss?
Did I offer directorial notes to my teacher to improve his performance?
Although I remember most of my other elementary school teacher’s names, I don’t recall this one, which is probably a good thing.
It prevents a present-day confrontation.
After tracking down this no doubt now-retired teacher, I can imagine myself, armed with my National Merit Scholarship and a stack of my published books and produced scripts, declaring:
“Actually, I was an APPROPRIATELY confident 5-year-old!”
Me #winning a state-wide poetry contest in Junior High.
One of the reasons I’ve been thinking about this is because “Overconfident” is not how I’m feeling right now.
Central to my procrastination is that I’m feeling the need to make this proposal, not just excellent, but bulletproof.
Yes, it’s good that I’m highly invested in the project.
I’m very glad that it’s intellectually challenging and also heartfelt.
And the stakes are relatively high in terms of what it might mean for my career.
Even so, in trying to anticipate and counteract any possible reason for rejection, it’s nearly impossible to finish my work.
There are moments where I feel like I’m defending more than creating.
And that’s not how anything worthwhile ever gets produced.
Of course, this same mindset trap can often be used to prevent us from ever starting in the first place.
It’s often the top reason people want to work with me as a creative consultant.
Waiting for a Sign from the Universe––or just permission or approval from some outside source––is an enormously powerful delaying tactic.
Indeed, the only thing harder than finishing IS getting started.
There is another side to this, of course.
I’ve also got many stories of bold and brave (meaning reckless and foolhardy) choices I’ve made back-in-the-day.
Some of them worked out enormously well.
Others…not so much.
(I’ll save the latter for the inevitable memoir.)
But now, I feel like I need to reconnect and spend more time as that “overconfident” kindergartener.
Whatever brashness there may have been, there was also freshness and optimism.
There was no authority but there was authenticity.
And there was definitely an abundance of enthusiasm.
That actually sounds like an amazing recipe for success.
So I’m encouraging you (and me) tostart (or finish) the thing we’re most afraid of, the dream we’re most excited about.
Ultimately, I now know I can survive the ✓–…
(Or the rejected proposal).
And so can you.
In fact, that awareness is my Valentine’s Day wish for us all.
Namaste for Now…
