Here’s my favorite story to tell someone when they’re freaking out about money.
(Most of the time it helps.)
Years ago, I wrote a book that included the final interview with Stella Adler.
Stella was the legendary acting teacher of Marlon Brando and Robert DeNiro and countless other stars.
I even took her last Master Class where each time she appeared on stage to teach she got a standing ovation––and each time she managed to look convincingly surprised that it was happening.
Anyway, here’s my favorite Stella story.
Sometime in the 1940s, Stella’s second husband of three, the acclaimed theater director Harold Clurman, kept tossing and turning in their bed, unable to sleep.
Around 2 am, Stella finally snapped at him:
“What is wrong with you? Why can’t you sleep?”
Harold responded:
“I can’t sleep because I’m $10,000 in debt.”
Stella simply nodded.
Then she paused to reflect.
And then, in her inimitable, totally theatrical way proclaimed definitively:
“A man of your genius should be $100,000 in debt.”
Usually, when I tell someone this story they laugh.
That always provides a bit of necessary comic relief.
The energy shifts and, perhaps somewhat ironically, shifting the energy might be the most practical step you can take in a crisis.
Lately, though, I’ve been thinking about WHY this story is funny.
Why do we laugh?
Mostly, it’s because of the power of SURPRISE.
Stella’s response is the exact opposite of what Harold (and we) were expecting.
We thought he’d get some sympathetic words…something akin to “Hang in there!” or “It’s always darkest before dawn!”
Instead, she offers a completely reversed perspective on the situation.
She flips the problem on its head, criticizing it for not being big enough.
She surprises us…and that makes us laugh.
And that changes everything.
So many of you wrote back to me about my newsletter two weeks ago about dropping back, that I wanted to share a bit more.
I’ve never counted, but I’ve taught several back-bending workshops and between that and classes, I’ve probably assisted at least 1,000 people dropping back.
It’s worth noting that I’ve never had a bad experience dropping someone back…
(I did tell one remarkably stiff but extremely willing investment banker new to yoga, “I think that tonight is NOT the night for this.”)
The criterion is really if you can comfortably do a wheel pose on your own.
If you can, then I can pretty much safely drop you back.
But there is one phenomenon that often happens even with the most flexible people.
When I’m supporting someone and dropping them back, fairly often that person, immediately as I start their descent, rather than reaching their arms overhead so they can touch the ground, instead will instinctively reach forward and grab my mighty bicep.
When that happens, I have to bring the person back up to standing.
I have to remind them that it’s not going to work if they keep holding on to me.
The physics are pretty obvious.
If they keep holding on, either they will hover forever in space––or, far worse, they will take me down with them.
It’s not going to work, in other words, unless they LET GO.
To allow the experience, they have to be open.
They have to be willing to move through the scary unknown.
That can be daunting (even with support).
But, at the end of the day, this is the only way to get to the other side, the place where the lightness and the humor live.
And, sometimes, as Stella’s story illustrates, flipping things around shows us that maybe the thing we’re most afraid of is not such a big deal after all.
(Absurdly, maybe it would be better if things were actually worse?)
And that alone can make us laugh.
Ultimately, if we want the happy ending, we need our perspective (physical or otherwise) to shift.
If we want the surprise, in other words, we have to let go.
Namaste for Now,
