It does make a difference that I not check in to email, voicemail and Facebook immediately every morning … and it’s still so damn difficult not to! But I am weening myself of the addiction, morning by morning, breath by breath.
There were many ups and downs today — lots of minor frustrations with projects and especially cash flow — and even the super-beautiful San Francisco day made me long for my lost sunglasses even more. (so bittersweet, the sunshine, when your ray-bans are gone.)
One thing that helped was that opening the door to my car for Susan and Belle and my grassy knoll adventure, I banged my knee. Physical pain is really awful — I almost never have any — and for a moment, all my mental misery seemed like nothing.
Our time on the grass hill really helped EVERYTHING.
And then I watched this new video Susan recommended on the Abe Forum:
Somehow, hearing the simplicity of the Abraham message again felt so powerful and right, especially given all the other marketing stuff I’m immersed in.
I felt myself getting stuff done, but not writing — which I think is my clever subconscious’ most brilliant/evil strategy — but I broke through by writing a few pages of something entirely new, something without any immediate or production or financial or strategic agenda. I just had fun.
And now I’m back to trimming away scenes and pages from the script. I’ve cut 3.5 pages tonight, which doesn’t seem like much but when you realize the goal is 10 page a day, I’m 33% to my goal already and just getting started.
And, I’m proud to say, I woke up 1.2 pounds thinner than yesterday.
I did re-realize, after the sunlight (and without my sunglasses there’s just so much more of it), and hanging out with Susan and Belle, and watching this video, and banging my knee, that I really am an Extreme Emoter. All perspective gets lost for me.
In production experiences, I’m a totally steady captain.
You’d want me as your heart surgeon.
But when I’m frazzled in areas where I’m vulnerable, my perspective narrows so completely towards the negative, it’s kinda amazing.
I was researching something else and lots of Duane Michaels photos came up and they just really seemed to reflect my own distortion. Sort of an anti “Man In The Mirror” as it were.
But a helpful reminder, nonetheless, that what we think we’re seeing as reality, often has just a little bit of distortion in it.
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